n00bcoil

“Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!!!” - words most often seen typed into gchat during a Naxx raid.

Tuesday night my guild did Naxx (in under 3 hours, actually…pretty decent, no wipes) and we STARTED with Thaddius.  Why?

Because he lags like a MOTHERFUCKER.  My roomie, who is on a totally different server (and plays Alliance) has the same complaint about Thad, and Naxx in general.  But the thing is, the later in the evening you hit up Thadd, the WORSE the lag is.  And you REALLY don’t want to be lagging on a fight that is so dependent on movement.

It’s laggy as hell.  WTF, Blizz?  As a caster it’s really annoying to not know if shit has been cast.  I mean, I know by now how long my spells take to cast, so I can do a semi-decent rotation without even looking at the screen, but still…need to watch those debuffs on Thadd!  Even if you DO watch them, you might end up dying on the first rotation…just like myself, and two other lagalicious raiders.

I need to share with you the most awesome graphic our MT put into gchat:

- +  –>

-   {BOSS}  +

<–  + -

If you’re using DeadlyBossMods or something else that gives raid warnings about polarity shifts, be careful on this fight if you’re having any lag, and make sure you double check your debuffs and where you are standing before moving.

Yesterday I finally got around to starting my Sons of Hodir Dailies (awesome video tip here) after realizing it was the only way I was going to get a decent shoulder enchant.  First off, this stupid gnome frost mage, “Niecy,” steals my mob.  But then she apologized, so I did not ROFLSTOMP her face.  Later, on the same quest chain (we were both apparently doing the exact same thing) I was dotting/seeding up a group of mobs, and she ran right into the middle of them and took a ton of damage.

I’m sorry, but that’s like me holding my fist out in real life and you running into it…repeatedly.  If you see a warlock of the opposing faction attacking EIGHT mobs at the same time, assume they are AoEing that shit down, and stay at least 15 yards away or you’re gonna get hit!

Needless to say, this pissed her off…well actually, she almost died from my seeds, then she DID die because she ran into the elite giant who basically looked at her funny and killed her, and so began our Ganking War.

She came back and killed me…while I was distracted, again, farming up six-eight mobs at once.  I had my voidberry out.  When I rezzed, I promptly pulled out my felhunter and flew around the area spamming /target Niecy in my chat window.

Found her!  Die.  Die a horrible, horrible death where I fear you into mobs all dotted up and you take dura damage.   Oh, and I give you a hug after you’re dead, just for fun.

I move on to another area, am kiting around another group of mobs when…she shows up again.  I dot her up, but die after wasting WoTF, and there she is blinking red with ticking haunt, corruption, immolate, curse of agony, and unstable affliction…and she takes the time to laugh at me.  Just enough time for her to get ROFLSTOMPED by that same elite giant.  Dura loss again, bitch!

Mage: 2, Me: 3.   Enjoy the repair bills!

After we 2-manned Onyxia the other night, my (newly respecced back to from Disc) Holy Priest friend and I decided to hit up Karazhan.  This all in the name of “we are poor and need money,” but deciding I probably couldn’t DPS it all by my lonesome, cloth-wearing warlock self…we invited her boyfriend, the mage.

Shackle, pull!!  Shackle, pull!  We made it through a lot of the beginning trash, until we hit a point where we were pulling six mobs at a time.  We just needed a little more heals.

Which is where “snotty shaman” comes in.  “Snotty Shaman” being the son of a friend of my friend, who also lives up in Quebec City, and insists on speaking French in party chat.  It’s ok, because I can read French pretty well (much better than I can speak it, that’s for sure).

After we wiped from lack of healing, I told this kid “look, just spam chain heals, OK?” and we go back in and….wipe again.

I look at recount and would you look at that!  Haunt is healing me MORE than this fucking shaman!  WTF?!  I call him on it, and he proceeds to bitch and moan (in French, mais oui!) claiming he’ll heal his mage friend because he is “mon ami” but not me because we need a real tank.

Yo, punk- I *am* the tank.  Which is why I need two fucking healers on me before these stupid ghosties make me go pop.

Needless to say, we gave up on the idea of Kara until we can get in there with my druid friend.

Teenage boys are the worst. Yeah, that’s right; the finicky French-speaking Shaman was…13.

I wonder, when duel-spec comes out (Tuesday, supposedly!) if I should go Afflock/Destro…or Afflcok/Demo, for the felguard.  Felguards are pretty badass tanks…I did heroic Underbog once with my felguard tanking after the actual tank DC’d.

One of the holiday achievements this year involves getting 50 kills with the Santa’s little helper buff…aka, turned into a tiny gnome wearing a revealing elf outfit.  Doing this as a warlock SUCKS, and after AKFing out of five different BGs after dying and losign the buff,  I found a strategy that worked: Wintergrasp.

1. Spam “invite” in general chat
2. Get into a raid
3. Hang waaaay back and rack up kills

Why hang back, you might say?  Because the moment a warlock enters PvP battle (especially one such as myself with NO PvP talents and NO PvP gear) they are slaughtered.  And now that we have our new “hero” class, I usually go flying across the battlefield in death grip in the middle of banishing the healer.  And without instant Howl of Terror…ugh.  The worst.  One stun and I’m all done.  Blizz, please do something about this.  We are officially the worst (and least played in Arenas for this reason) PvP class right now.

While I’m bitching about lock shit, stacking soul shards would be nice, too.  Y’all will get right on that, yeah?